not a good night

Well my day was pretty good.. up until i left after saying goodbye to Jason.. i told my ex i was on my way to get JJ and then he asked if he could go with him.. So then i was bummed i was going to be spending the rest of my night alone.. Well then i thought oh while i don't have JJ i'll wrap presents from santa and hten one from his dad and myself and what not.. well i couldn't find my tape and then the other one was out of tape.. i was so pissed about the tape i decided to try my present from santa.. that was the highlight of my night.. the packers beat the lions 24 to 0 i was the packers lmao anyway.. i was also denided again for medicade cause i make to much money.. but yet i never have enough money to buy or do anything after i pay my bills.. damn fucking state of ID!! I did find a place to hide the x mas presents though.. either way i just wish i could curl up in bed with Jason and go to sleep and let this day be over.. i don't even feel like being on my computer. which is kinda wierd, but i would so rather be spending my time doing something else.. as long as it has to do with Jason lol anyway, i'm going to go...

Up late

hahaha ok so it's 12:00am and i should be in bed cause Jason will be here in the morning, but i'm not sleeping cause i seem to be addicted to this place called facebook and this application on there called hatchlings.. yeah and it's not 12:01am hahaha ok yeah i need to go to bed lack of sleep is killing me here.. Yeah i'm like way overly tired.. anyway, so i didn't get to see jason yesterday which was a way bummer, but on the good side of things we had a great talk today about a few things i loved it.. made my day better even though i didn't get to see him.. i went to work happy and left work knowing that it was that much closer to seeing him.. of course i just spent the last like few hours finding eggs on facebook lol saying i should go to bed and now i'm like hmm maybe i won't yet.. i'm still debating with my self in my own little in my head argument lmao wow ok i'm so getting off here before this is a bunch of nothing that i'll read in the morning going what the hell was i thinking last night.. as i'm still half asleep lmao

I'm in love!!

Hey everyone.. It's been a little while so i decided to write today.. whoo hoo go me.. well first off i had a blast at work tonight!! Huh Gillaire?? Don't know where our high was coming from, but we were both off the wall.. which is good it seemed to keep the customers laughing to and that's a good thing..
Moving on.. So i have a big surprise for Jason next month.. i'm very excited about it.. just need to make it to pokey again and do some shopping to finish it.. :D I would say what it is, but i remembered i gave him this website so he might read it and then know what his surprise is lol
He has a court date on jan. 5th so that he can hopefully have time to see his kids.. I'm hoping it works out in his favor.. I might even get to go with him.. which would be totally awesome.. Since it's a 20 hour drive from here to TX.. we could both drive.. plus i would be with him and man i would feel like i died and went to heaven lol I'm a dork i know.. but i just feel in love with him.. I couldn't really control that.. I don't know if i get to go with him yet, but i hope it works out that way.. i could take some time off work.. to be there for him to support him..
Well, i'm hoping tomorrow i get to spend some time with him.. I'll hopefully find out in the morning what the plans are.. i guess he trying to do transfers with all the stores and he said if he can i might even get to go with him.. which would be awesome!! the more time i can spend with him the happier i will be going to work wednesday.. Oh and i'm so excited if i get to take his truck to work on Friday.. cause emily and nyisha are working that day and they already jealous i'm with Jason and it would be awesome for them to be jealous over the fact that i'm driving his truck too.. :D i'm such a bitch but i love it.. I love rubbing it in that i'm with him.. and i know they are jealous at least nyisha cause she is always wanting to know things... like the other day she asked me if he spoils me.. i was like i don't know... oh man i could tell it just bugged her.. it was great.. and of course the news gets passed on from emily to nyisha and the other way around!!
Oh and speaking of emily.. got the best news i could at work today!! EMILY GOT LAID OFF!! I was like yes.. one down and one to go!! Her last day is wednesday... I forgot to tell you gillaire, but there you go.. we should throw a party wednesday!! Alright, hmmm i think that's all i have to say for now.. hopefully i will write soon...

Hello!! Alright so an update here.. i really need to remember to write in this damn thing everyday.. but yet some how i keep forgetting.. First off i shouldn't even be on my comptuer.. i should be redoing the x-mas tree so all the ornaments arent in the same spot.. I let JJ put the ornaments on the tree. Here some pics..


Just lights
JJ putting an ornament on

the front
one side
the other

with topperisn't it pretty??

So those are some pics.. I think JJ did a great job.. now if only i didn't have to redo it lmao oh well.. i am so tired though.. i don't know what it is the last two night well last night and tonight been way tired way early.. last night i went to bed at about 10:30pm and it's 10pm now and i'm ready to just go to bed.. it's crazy.. Anyway, i get to see Jason on Tuesday.. i'm looking forward to that.. :) i miss him.. he told me today that if they don't have something the customer wants he says but i can go to Soda and get it.. he's so cute.. I'm going to have his x-mas present put together hopefully wednesday.. i'm excited about that.. i really hope he likes it.. i'm not telling what it is in here cause i gave him the web address incase he ever wanted to read what i write lol
Oh brandon txted me and called me tonight.. he wants to know if i'm happy.. so here is his answer!! Yes, i'm happy now leave me the fuck alone!! lmao but no i didn't answer his txt or his phone call.. Gillaire is proud of me and to be honest i'm proud of myself too. :) I will say it wasn't easy, but i did it.. I also know that it's not the end of him trying to get a hold of me.. sadly Jason says he is going to call me tomorrow.. we see.. i'm not getting my hopes up, but it would be nice to talk to him.. but i think for now.. i'm going to go work on the tree some to fix it and go to bed.. nighty night

So In Love

Alright i'm using red today because i can lol Red means love to me and that's how i feel so i think it fits pretty well...
Ok, so Jason is just so amazing and everytime i spend time with him i learn something about him and just am amazed at how much more i can love him.. He means the world to me and even today after he left we talked about our future and it wasn't weird to talk about it at all either.. Like today he was over here and i was still a little upset about what had happened on Sunday.. Well, i sent him a txt after he left saying i was sorry for him being late for work and he just wrote back with it's ok your worth it. I didn't feel bad after that.. Plus, we talked about our future and it was just.. it was just awesome!! He wants to meet JJ, but he thinks it be better after i tell my ex husband i'm dating him.. Which i agree and then he started freaking out that me or JJ would get hurt cause he got upset about it and kick me out of where i am.. I told him that my ex wouldn't do that, but he still worries.. plus he said to that if he hurt me or JJ he would kill him.. not the best words to use maybe, but meant the world to me when he did.. I mean he hasn't even met JJ yet, but already seems to love him and look out for him.. I really couldn't have asked for someone better to meet then Jason.. He is everything i have wanted in a man plus some!! I don't ever want to lose him ever!! After today i don't see him losing me or me losing him.. Part of me is still kinda scared of being hurt, but it is going away and soon i won't be scared at all about being hurt.. He is so gentle too and idk.. he's just GREAT!! I can't put in words what he means to me.. wish i could though so that he would know.. I love him so much!!

Today Was Awesome!!

I couldn't think how great today would have turned out even if i tried.. the only way it would have been perfect was if Jason was here right now.. lol but i did get a goodbye kiss even though i was a work.. that was so exciting lol oh and it would have been awesome if Emily or Niysha would have walked in.. oh that would have made it that much more enjoyable.. i can't wait to tell them about me and Jason.. they going to be so pissed cause they were trying to hard to get him, but he wanted me.. that's going to be awesome!! can't wait.. I'm so falling for him, and to a point it scares me, but i can't let that hold me back because if i do i may not get understand why he came into my life.. I want to know why he did even if it's 5 years from now.. i want to know.. i mena i have never been this happy and actually felt it when someone asks me how i am.. i'm wonderful i'm great.. never had so much meaning behind it before.. I wake up with a smile on my face just knowing i get to talk to him and a smile on my face before i go to bed just knowing that i know i am his.. i have never really felt like this before.. He just blows me away.. I mean he's so kind and sweet and caring that i don't know why anyone would want to hurt him.. I know that is the last thing i would want to do.. I know im' in this and all be damn if i fuck it up! lol alright well i'm going to go try and sleep.. even though i know i won't be able too.. Just wish he was here with me

Ending Things

Alright so i'm ending things with jason.. why? well mainly one reason.. i'm a girl who will date one guy.. yeah i made a mistake and didn't follow that, but it wasn't who i am and it's not someone i would want to be again.. i'm not going to ask jason to pick me or his g/f because it's not fair to him to make him pick.. I wouldn't want to be in a spot like that either.. and to be honest i can't date someone who can't just date me so i'm pulling out of it because i get in to deep.. Although i know i'm in deep already.. i'll be fine right now.. i'll have my break down and it will be over.. I just know that i can't do it.. it's not who i am.. i am very jealous and holy shit it can get bad and i don't want to go down that road unless i have to.. Yes jason is a great guy and i would not want anything else but to spend every second talking to him or being with him right now, but i just can't handle that fact. I'm hoping he finds a way to talk to me tonight.. although i thought about it and well he talking to me now so i can tell him, but i thought about him being at the store tomorrow and just calling in sick because of the thought of seeing him will be hard before or after talking to him.. i'm on the verge of crying now because i don't want to do this, but to save myself from more heartache it's better to just end it now...