Today fucking sucks!!

Alright well today was a day from hell!! i'll post convo so you can read.. I had a headache before this convo it just really bad now and i'll be lucky if i can get rid of it today..

cheesy prince: enjoying being on the net?
Sandy: no
cheesy prince: ok
Sandy: i have a headache, a heartache and my son pissingme
Sandy: off
cheesy prince: heartache is of your own causing sandy
cheesy prince: you kept thinking you keep going on how you are, not changing anything when I told you it made me feel like crap, saying you knew i would always love you and make time for you.. cause I said I would.. you took it for granted, and now your without it
Sandy: you also think i'm a liar
cheesy prince: sandy you said you made time for me, yes you made time for me when it suited you, when it was convienant for you.
cheesy prince: when you wanted to.. you didnt do it for me you did it took do just enough to keep me around.. so yes your a liar.. you didnt do it for me you did it for yourself
Sandy: sometimes yes and other times no
cheesy prince: all the time sandy, that is why you are where you are now
cheesy prince: but keep on believe and thinking how you are now, dont change..
Sandy: i stopped doing things now, cause i wasn't getting anything back and that hurt more by sending you something and not getting anything then not sending anything
cheesy prince: sandy that vid, you put a finger in yourself.. you did it when you were losing me cause you were losing me.. to keep me... why didnt you do it just for me without anything going wrong with us.. to do it then.. cheapen it, made me hate it because you would only do it to save our relationship
cheesy prince: that email... why did it come when when we were fighting why do you always do things when shit hits the fan and not when we are happy?
Sandy: no, i did it because i didn't get you the vid when i said i would
Sandy: what e-mail?
cheesy prince: you did it so you could say you did the what took the most effort to rub it in my face you gave of yourself
Sandy: did you even get my voicemail?
cheesy prince: but you would only do it after you fucked up.. its worthless to me.. and it made me sick to my stomach
Sandy: then why are you even talking to me if i screwed up so fucking much??
cheesy prince: yeah I got your voicemail.. more stupid bs trying to sound like you were sorry.. if you were sorry you would change
Sandy: to make me feel even worse to make me want to do something to make it so that things are easier for you what?? please tell me
cheesy prince: I cant tell you what to do to fix it, I alrady have and you could care less to look over your ego to see it
cheesy prince: its always how bad can I make people feel for me without changing me ways
Sandy: you want to know what i see
cheesy prince: I am sorry to say you have done a real number on me in the past couple of months.. I admit I am not a saint.. I have faults.. but you have lost me and you think I should just forget it all once again and try to be happy with you again
cheesy prince: I dont care what you see
cheesy prince: this is about how I feel right now
cheesy prince: swallow your fucking pride and actually listen this time
Sandy: ok and i know i fucked up i have admited that
Sandy: more then once
cheesy prince: admitting it is one thing, what have you done to fix it? you think showing me your fingered yourself when we are fighting will fix it?
cheesy prince: do you think one email?
cheesy prince: a couple calls? a few ims?
Sandy: because i got the feeling you didn't give a shit about me
cheesy prince: join the crowd sandy
Sandy: that it didn't fuckign matter
cheesy prince: it it fucking doesnt matter, why are you worried if I am in your life or not?
cheesy prince: if you dont think what you do fucking matters, and you dont fucking care to try.. why should I even bother considering being back with you?
Sandy: you honestly have to ask that to know?
cheesy prince: sandy, you left me first.. to move back with jason... and dont say you didnt.. because if you didnt you wouldnt have put the papers on hold
cheesy prince: you put the fucking god damn papers on hold while we were together... how much of a fuck you is that?
Sandy: that was the start of it yes.. but when i moved it wasn't to be with him.. cause if that was teh case the whole time it never would have gone through in the end.. well it did go through in the end
cheesy prince: doesnt matter how it ended.. it matters how it started... you doubted me and wanted to be back with jason.. in the start.. which means you said fuck us
Sandy: you choose to listen to other people too instead of listening to me
cheesy prince: sandy go fuck yourself.. I am done trying,
cheesy prince: iI am done convinving you
cheesy prince: I am just tired of all your bs and self pity crap
Sandy: you listened to people i don't talk to about something i put on facebook or something someone though
Sandy: it takes two to get together and two people to fuck up
cheesy prince: make excuses sandy, I hope they help your heartache when I finally do disappear for good because of your bs
cheesy prince: no it takes one.. one to stop papers on divorce
Sandy: so you don't love me?
Sandy: so if i lost you then why keep trying after
cheesy prince: sandy you lost my love.. you choose to not make an effort and keep my love
Sandy: i did and was trying
cheesy prince: you DID and WAS... past tense..
Sandy: i still do
Sandy: but this is was i was afraid of too
cheesy prince: what have you done to be back in my life sandy? have you made plans to visit me?
cheesy prince: have you made any plans on being with me again instead of just sitting there and hoping I will do it all?
Sandy: been trying to as a surprise trying to make plans so when i had money i could surprise you
cheesy prince: how much have you saved?
Sandy: with x-mas coming nothing yet
cheesy prince: I have 300 already sandy.. even with christmas
Sandy: you trying to rub it in my face and tell me that i'm just a loser
cheesy prince: how long have you been out of a 2nd job sandy? how many attempts have you made to get another?
Sandy: i can't handle two jobs
cheesy prince: how cozy have you gotten with jason taking care of what you cant?
cheesy prince: or someone else paying your bills?
cheesy prince: I have less then you and I am making headway.. how about you?
Sandy: i pay my bills every month
Sandy: with about 20 bucks left after
cheesy prince: and you happy with that arent you?
cheesy prince: cause you dont have to put anymore effort forward
Sandy: with what?
cheesy prince: you are undriven, unmotivated, and just plan dont care to improve things... you are happy having things given to you, and you feel the world owes you...
cheesy prince: you think everyone owes you
Sandy: no, i'm happy that i can pay all my bills every month without help (one thing i wanted to be able to do on my own without help), Next is to be able to give JJ what he needs
cheesy prince: whatever sandy, you once told me that one job could never cut the bills you had... either you let go of a lot in order not to have many bills or jason is paying things and you arent telling me something
Sandy: you want to know the bills i have??
cheesy prince: no sandy I dont
Sandy: i get about 425 every two weeks
cheesy prince: I really dont care anymore
cheesy prince: I work three jobs and do what it takes...
cheesy prince: I have lost everything trying to keep you in my life and this is what I have to show for it
Sandy: liek i told you i don't know how you can do it.. there isn't enough places to work with me on that kind of stuff
cheesy prince: I do 4 pm to 1 am.. sometimes later at walmart unloading trucks. I do 8am to 2pm at home depot and big lots unloading their trucks on opposite days
cheesy prince: I get days off here and there at all three, I get sleep when and if I can
cheesy prince: I almost lost it all when I got kicked out two days ago
cheesy prince: I have 7 mins left on my prepaid cell
cheesy prince: I dont get a paycheck til th 17th
cheesy prince: I have 35 cents in my bank til then
cheesy prince: I havent eaten lunch at any place becuase of this
Sandy: you just told me you have 300 dollars
cheesy prince: I have 300 dollars for a trip to visit someone who is not willing to change
cheesy prince: i have 400 for my kids christmas and to see them
Sandy: you are so confusing
cheesy prince: I WILL NOT touch any of that just to put food in my belly
cheesy prince: do you understand my scarifice I make for people?
cheesy prince: its not confusing if you truly look at it
Sandy: so you would rather die so that those people are without you for the rest of their lives then to take care of yourself so you can be there
cheesy prince: I guess so
cheesy prince: I may have blown out my back two weeks ago, I may need back surgery before long with the jobs I have
cheesy prince: I may collapse for other health reasons
cheesy prince: but you want to know something?
cheesy prince: fuck it all, I mean what am I really striving for? someone who will take me for granted no matter what I do?
cheesy prince: to visit my kids who dont have a clue what I am going thru?
Sandy: that doesn't matter.. your kids love you no matter what your going through if they know or not
cheesy prince: right sandy, they could give a shit less. they wont come to the phone when I call now..
Sandy: why?
cheesy prince: I dont know why sandy
Sandy: well i wanted to know why you lost the other job and i still don't know why cause it seemed that you didn't have time for me. but yet i still want to know.. I'm sorry about your kids.. i'm going to guess your ex has something to do with that
cheesy prince: what last job? carrinos?
Sandy: yes
cheesy prince: I lost it because the managers went back on their words. I told them I would be looking for more jobs, when home depot made the offer i told them my hours of availbility would change.. the next day they fired me cause they said they wouldnt work with me
Sandy: assholes
cheesy prince: and sandy I had time for you, but during that time.. I did what I wanted first.. did what made me happy without you..
cheesy prince: the same as you treated me
Sandy: i really thought i was doing better i really wanted to make thingsbetter for us cause it seemed all we didwas fight
cheesy prince: sandy you only did what you had to.. you always have
cheesy prince: I gave you the world and you spat in my face when I asked for it in return
Sandy: but you make it seem like i did it on purpose and that's not it at all
cheesy prince: and the only way you did more was when you thought we would break up
cheesy prince: how is it not on purpose? do you not make the choices in your life?
Sandy: even after one fight we had even though i was still upset i still wrote back on the e-mail we had going and left you your nightly message
cheesy prince: where was the extra effort? were was the change?
Sandy: the fact that i was still upset with what had happened, but i wanted you to still have something when you woke up in the morning
Sandy: so i put what what i was feeling aside and did what i could the best that i could for you
cheesy prince: words sandy.. all words.. I am tired of words
Sandy: ok, so you say you 300 dollars you won't touch and you also say you want nothing to do with me.. how does that even work
cheesy prince: you would have the answer if you truly thought about it
cheesy prince: I am done thinking for you, I am done giving you the answers.. I am done making anything work for everyone else in the world
cheesy prince: your actions along with a few others peoples have killed the person I want to be. now its fuck the world and all about me.. if you want in my life.. you find the answers.. you find the way
cheesy prince: maybe one day the person i want to be will be a goal once again
Sandy: so your going to let people stand in the way of being who you truely want to be??
cheesy prince: the person I truely want to be needs people I truely care about in my life.. who truely care about me ... I cant honestly say I have any
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: so I wish you the best of luck where ever you life and choices take you
Sandy: wow that's the first time you have said that to me
cheesy prince: cause I am done sandy, I am done fighting for things that no one else is willing to fight with me for
cheesy prince: I am done making other peoples pathes for them
cheesy prince: time for you to grow up and make your own path
cheesy prince: to finally be on your own and do what you want to do.. make you life take you where you want it to take you
Sandy: well then i know you will get back on top like you were before me and i'm sorry for holding you back from life.. this doesn't change teh fact that i love you, i hate the fact that you seem to be acting so calmly about all this, but nothing i can do about it.. it's your choice and i have to live with it..
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
Sandy: nothing i say will change anything
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
Sandy: you have told me that i'm just words so that my choice based on what you have told me
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
cheesy prince: I am not going to debate the facts with you
Sandy: their isn't anything to debate you said what you feel right?
cheesy prince: I assume by you saying you were holding me back that your letting me go. so bye sandy and good luck
Sandy: no, that's not what i was saying, but i feel like that's what i did
cheesy prince: I dont know what to say
Sandy: onlybecause of me you have 3 jobs, where you live could change by the second.. yoru kids hate you for some reason, you would have been married and happy if you never met me..
cheesy prince: no sandy, I wouldnt have been married. when I met you. I had already decided me and natalie werent going to work.I decided that on new years eve
Sandy: ok, well you would have been able to find a good job, which because of me you can't do because i left
cheesy prince: sandy, I have had several good job offers since moving here. Problem is.. no money.. no car.. nothing in order to make them work. I have to rely on dad and his shit for what I do have... is my situation totally your fault? no its mostly mine and lack of poor planning and choices
Sandy: if that's what you want to think
Sandy: you told me you coudlnt' get a job because of your credit
cheesy prince: sandy that is what I think, and what is fact. I sold my car in 04... I choose not to buy one and rely on others..
cheesy prince: my credit was shot before i met you from courtney
Sandy: yeah, but i made it worse
cheesy prince: yes the place in houston made it a bit worse but its small compared to what it was already like
cheesy prince: my credit score was in the 300s long before I met you or natalie
Sandy: nat proably helped it go up some too and then i fucked it up
Sandy: again
cheesy prince: no sandy, the first broken lease was due to her.. I let my apartment go back to save money and move in with her
cheesy prince: it got no better while I was wit her
cheesy prince: with
cheesy prince: I learned after the fact, that it was so she could have someone to cook and clean for her
cheesy prince: again poor choices on my part
cheesy prince: nothing to say?
Sandy: just trying to soak in that your broken lease you told me about the reason was a lie sorry
cheesy prince: huh?
Sandy: wishing my head would stop pounding and that i could stop crying
cheesy prince: you talking about what I told you about it having a waterfall and in poor condition?
Sandy: you told me you had a broken lease because you had a waterfall in your living room and they wouldn't fix it
cheesy prince: that is also true, just half the truth
cheesy prince: would you like the pictures I took of it?
Sandy: no, that's ok
cheesy prince: yep thats me.. just a lying good for nothign mother fucker
Sandy: where did that come from
cheesy prince: Whiney Princess: just trying to soak in that your broken lease you told me about the reason was a lie sorry
Sandy: well from what you told me before that i thought it was
Sandy: but i learned it was true that part anyway
cheesy prince: well i need to go. I have to eat something before work. Looks like ramen noodles once agian. enjoy your day
cheesy prince: oh and so you know, I am contemplating a move to Chicago if and when I can
Sandy: well have a good day at work.. nothing wrong with those that what i been eating
cheesy prince: going to say something about chicago?
Sandy: ok, so i now know to save more money
Sandy: so i now have*
cheesy prince: actually its the same distance from here to you then as there to you
cheesy prince: already checked that
Sandy: it is?
cheesy prince: maybe an hour or two more
Sandy: well that's like another fuel tank of fuel lol
cheesy prince: depends on how you go. I just did a quick look. besides a flight to either costs the same
cheesy prince: why would you be driving it?
Sandy: to surprise you
cheesy prince: so you would spend 1500 on a trip to see me versus 200 or 400 dollars for a flight?
Sandy: to surprise you yes
cheesy prince: why? that is wasting money just for a visit
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: not to mention time.. 2 days driving for a weekend visit? you didnt give much thought to this idea did you?
Sandy: still working out the details for it yeah
Sandy: if i fly it's a little harder to surprise you lol
cheesy prince: well i wouldnt advice any trip to see me until I get my own place
cheesy prince: advise
Sandy: i was kinda worried about coming to see you for teh fact that i wasn't sure where i would be staying
Sandy: cause i wasn't going to stay at yoru dads house
cheesy prince: I am sleeping on the couch
Sandy: that's wasn't the point
Sandy: that*
cheesy prince: but yeah point being, I wouldnt plan a trip at all to see me in the near future.. probably not for a couple of months
Sandy: well like i said with x-mas coming i hadn't saved anything so it won't be til after that that i would start saving
cheesy prince: not just for the money reasons or the place to stay... we arent at the point anymore where a weekend would be good for us
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: dont you agree?
Sandy: kinda
cheesy prince: I am sorry I am not going to flip the switch again just so we can be happy.
Sandy: no, it's fine
cheesy prince: but I have to go. have even less time now to eat and shower and get ready
Sandy: i'm sorry
Sandy: bye brandon
cheesy prince: bye sandy

I know it's long, but yeah.. its 12:30 right now and i just want to crawl in bed and sleep the rest of the day, but no i have to go to work and deal with people there.. oh boy!! should be loads of fun for me..