not a good night

Well my day was pretty good.. up until i left after saying goodbye to Jason.. i told my ex i was on my way to get JJ and then he asked if he could go with him.. So then i was bummed i was going to be spending the rest of my night alone.. Well then i thought oh while i don't have JJ i'll wrap presents from santa and hten one from his dad and myself and what not.. well i couldn't find my tape and then the other one was out of tape.. i was so pissed about the tape i decided to try my present from santa.. that was the highlight of my night.. the packers beat the lions 24 to 0 i was the packers lmao anyway.. i was also denided again for medicade cause i make to much money.. but yet i never have enough money to buy or do anything after i pay my bills.. damn fucking state of ID!! I did find a place to hide the x mas presents though.. either way i just wish i could curl up in bed with Jason and go to sleep and let this day be over.. i don't even feel like being on my computer. which is kinda wierd, but i would so rather be spending my time doing something else.. as long as it has to do with Jason lol anyway, i'm going to go...

Up late

hahaha ok so it's 12:00am and i should be in bed cause Jason will be here in the morning, but i'm not sleeping cause i seem to be addicted to this place called facebook and this application on there called hatchlings.. yeah and it's not 12:01am hahaha ok yeah i need to go to bed lack of sleep is killing me here.. Yeah i'm like way overly tired.. anyway, so i didn't get to see jason yesterday which was a way bummer, but on the good side of things we had a great talk today about a few things i loved it.. made my day better even though i didn't get to see him.. i went to work happy and left work knowing that it was that much closer to seeing him.. of course i just spent the last like few hours finding eggs on facebook lol saying i should go to bed and now i'm like hmm maybe i won't yet.. i'm still debating with my self in my own little in my head argument lmao wow ok i'm so getting off here before this is a bunch of nothing that i'll read in the morning going what the hell was i thinking last night.. as i'm still half asleep lmao

I'm in love!!

Hey everyone.. It's been a little while so i decided to write today.. whoo hoo go me.. well first off i had a blast at work tonight!! Huh Gillaire?? Don't know where our high was coming from, but we were both off the wall.. which is good it seemed to keep the customers laughing to and that's a good thing..
Moving on.. So i have a big surprise for Jason next month.. i'm very excited about it.. just need to make it to pokey again and do some shopping to finish it.. :D I would say what it is, but i remembered i gave him this website so he might read it and then know what his surprise is lol
He has a court date on jan. 5th so that he can hopefully have time to see his kids.. I'm hoping it works out in his favor.. I might even get to go with him.. which would be totally awesome.. Since it's a 20 hour drive from here to TX.. we could both drive.. plus i would be with him and man i would feel like i died and went to heaven lol I'm a dork i know.. but i just feel in love with him.. I couldn't really control that.. I don't know if i get to go with him yet, but i hope it works out that way.. i could take some time off work.. to be there for him to support him..
Well, i'm hoping tomorrow i get to spend some time with him.. I'll hopefully find out in the morning what the plans are.. i guess he trying to do transfers with all the stores and he said if he can i might even get to go with him.. which would be awesome!! the more time i can spend with him the happier i will be going to work wednesday.. Oh and i'm so excited if i get to take his truck to work on Friday.. cause emily and nyisha are working that day and they already jealous i'm with Jason and it would be awesome for them to be jealous over the fact that i'm driving his truck too.. :D i'm such a bitch but i love it.. I love rubbing it in that i'm with him.. and i know they are jealous at least nyisha cause she is always wanting to know things... like the other day she asked me if he spoils me.. i was like i don't know... oh man i could tell it just bugged her.. it was great.. and of course the news gets passed on from emily to nyisha and the other way around!!
Oh and speaking of emily.. got the best news i could at work today!! EMILY GOT LAID OFF!! I was like yes.. one down and one to go!! Her last day is wednesday... I forgot to tell you gillaire, but there you go.. we should throw a party wednesday!! Alright, hmmm i think that's all i have to say for now.. hopefully i will write soon...

Hello!! Alright so an update here.. i really need to remember to write in this damn thing everyday.. but yet some how i keep forgetting.. First off i shouldn't even be on my comptuer.. i should be redoing the x-mas tree so all the ornaments arent in the same spot.. I let JJ put the ornaments on the tree. Here some pics..


Just lights
JJ putting an ornament on

the front
one side
the other

with topperisn't it pretty??

So those are some pics.. I think JJ did a great job.. now if only i didn't have to redo it lmao oh well.. i am so tired though.. i don't know what it is the last two night well last night and tonight been way tired way early.. last night i went to bed at about 10:30pm and it's 10pm now and i'm ready to just go to bed.. it's crazy.. Anyway, i get to see Jason on Tuesday.. i'm looking forward to that.. :) i miss him.. he told me today that if they don't have something the customer wants he says but i can go to Soda and get it.. he's so cute.. I'm going to have his x-mas present put together hopefully wednesday.. i'm excited about that.. i really hope he likes it.. i'm not telling what it is in here cause i gave him the web address incase he ever wanted to read what i write lol
Oh brandon txted me and called me tonight.. he wants to know if i'm happy.. so here is his answer!! Yes, i'm happy now leave me the fuck alone!! lmao but no i didn't answer his txt or his phone call.. Gillaire is proud of me and to be honest i'm proud of myself too. :) I will say it wasn't easy, but i did it.. I also know that it's not the end of him trying to get a hold of me.. sadly Jason says he is going to call me tomorrow.. we see.. i'm not getting my hopes up, but it would be nice to talk to him.. but i think for now.. i'm going to go work on the tree some to fix it and go to bed.. nighty night

So In Love

Alright i'm using red today because i can lol Red means love to me and that's how i feel so i think it fits pretty well...
Ok, so Jason is just so amazing and everytime i spend time with him i learn something about him and just am amazed at how much more i can love him.. He means the world to me and even today after he left we talked about our future and it wasn't weird to talk about it at all either.. Like today he was over here and i was still a little upset about what had happened on Sunday.. Well, i sent him a txt after he left saying i was sorry for him being late for work and he just wrote back with it's ok your worth it. I didn't feel bad after that.. Plus, we talked about our future and it was just.. it was just awesome!! He wants to meet JJ, but he thinks it be better after i tell my ex husband i'm dating him.. Which i agree and then he started freaking out that me or JJ would get hurt cause he got upset about it and kick me out of where i am.. I told him that my ex wouldn't do that, but he still worries.. plus he said to that if he hurt me or JJ he would kill him.. not the best words to use maybe, but meant the world to me when he did.. I mean he hasn't even met JJ yet, but already seems to love him and look out for him.. I really couldn't have asked for someone better to meet then Jason.. He is everything i have wanted in a man plus some!! I don't ever want to lose him ever!! After today i don't see him losing me or me losing him.. Part of me is still kinda scared of being hurt, but it is going away and soon i won't be scared at all about being hurt.. He is so gentle too and idk.. he's just GREAT!! I can't put in words what he means to me.. wish i could though so that he would know.. I love him so much!!

Today Was Awesome!!

I couldn't think how great today would have turned out even if i tried.. the only way it would have been perfect was if Jason was here right now.. lol but i did get a goodbye kiss even though i was a work.. that was so exciting lol oh and it would have been awesome if Emily or Niysha would have walked in.. oh that would have made it that much more enjoyable.. i can't wait to tell them about me and Jason.. they going to be so pissed cause they were trying to hard to get him, but he wanted me.. that's going to be awesome!! can't wait.. I'm so falling for him, and to a point it scares me, but i can't let that hold me back because if i do i may not get understand why he came into my life.. I want to know why he did even if it's 5 years from now.. i want to know.. i mena i have never been this happy and actually felt it when someone asks me how i am.. i'm wonderful i'm great.. never had so much meaning behind it before.. I wake up with a smile on my face just knowing i get to talk to him and a smile on my face before i go to bed just knowing that i know i am his.. i have never really felt like this before.. He just blows me away.. I mean he's so kind and sweet and caring that i don't know why anyone would want to hurt him.. I know that is the last thing i would want to do.. I know im' in this and all be damn if i fuck it up! lol alright well i'm going to go try and sleep.. even though i know i won't be able too.. Just wish he was here with me

Ending Things

Alright so i'm ending things with jason.. why? well mainly one reason.. i'm a girl who will date one guy.. yeah i made a mistake and didn't follow that, but it wasn't who i am and it's not someone i would want to be again.. i'm not going to ask jason to pick me or his g/f because it's not fair to him to make him pick.. I wouldn't want to be in a spot like that either.. and to be honest i can't date someone who can't just date me so i'm pulling out of it because i get in to deep.. Although i know i'm in deep already.. i'll be fine right now.. i'll have my break down and it will be over.. I just know that i can't do it.. it's not who i am.. i am very jealous and holy shit it can get bad and i don't want to go down that road unless i have to.. Yes jason is a great guy and i would not want anything else but to spend every second talking to him or being with him right now, but i just can't handle that fact. I'm hoping he finds a way to talk to me tonight.. although i thought about it and well he talking to me now so i can tell him, but i thought about him being at the store tomorrow and just calling in sick because of the thought of seeing him will be hard before or after talking to him.. i'm on the verge of crying now because i don't want to do this, but to save myself from more heartache it's better to just end it now...

Cleaning and Seeing Jason

I get to see Jason today and i'm so excited!! Only thing is before i get to see him i have to clean my house some cause he is coming over tomorrow before i go to work and it works out because he coming to our store tomorrow.. That is making me more nervous then seeing him today.. I guess in a way i just want people to know that my house doesn't look as bad as it can lol And with him i just want it to be perfect but i know that won't happen by tomorrow unless i missed out on seeing him today and just cleaned all day.. But i can't go without seeing him another day.. I mean yeah 30 mins isn't that far, but when we both work and where he has a g/f to keep quiet til he gets rid of her we don't have much choice.. the thing that drives me even more crazy is when he goes home cause i can't talk to him and i want to and i know that he wants to talk to me just as bad and it just makes wanting to talk to him in the morning when he goes to work just that more closer when i go to bed.. which i think is why i'm having a hard time sleeping cause when you sleep time seems to just fly by, but lately for me it jut creeps.. last night i woke up at 1 am.. fell asleep again and then was up at 5 and then was up for in hour and fell back alseep and then i was up at 7:15am. i'm like fuck i guess i'll get up now and start cleaning since there no way in hell i going to get back to sleep now.. one of these nights though i'm going to be so tired from not sleeping that it will keep me out all night, but til then i get to suffer.. I'm not sure what we doing today.. We have to wait til Todd goes through his store before he can leave and i guess he suppose to be by my store before he goes there.. Jason said he thinks he will get to his store at like 11 and by gone by like 12 or 1. so that just sucks, but oh well i know i get to see him and that's all that matters lol I really need to kidnapp Jason and bring him home with me one night lol Told him he should cause a fight with his g/f last night and then he could come stay at my house too lol My evil side coming out with all of this because of her.. Could make this interesting. lol alright well i'm off to start cleaning i kinda made a little list of things i had to do before jason came over tomorrow which really isn't a lot so i should be able to do it with some time this morning and maybe some tomorrow depending on when he is coming tomorrow.. bye for now..

Today was awesome!!

Alright today couldn't have turned about better.. well i could have got my house a little cleaner today, but oh well i have tomorrow morning and sometime Tuesday to work on that.. Alright so i went to go see Jason.. He's the store manger at the Alco in Montpelier. It's about 30 mins away.. Well, i had talked to him a lot the day before. Yesterday and well i was going to go see him after i got off work at 4pm, but that didn't work cause i ended up having to close too. So then i thought i will see him in the morning i'll drive over and see him at work.. No big deal.. Well, when it came time to leave i was like freaking out.. I was nervous and just wasn't sure i should go. I had wrote him a letter and was going to drop it off for him at work and then wait til he said something to me about it and then go see him if he still wanted to.. Well, he was already at work when i got there and i only knew that cause he txted me when i was about half way there and i was like freaking out even more.. but still was going to try and just leave the letter there for him and leave.. So, didn't work. cause when i walked in the doors he was right there.. I had no way of him not seeing me cause of course he looked right at me, but i walked up to him and said hi and we talked and he showed me around his store a little bit then we went to breakfast. It was pretty good. We talked the whole time before we ordered after and during and after breakfast. well i took him back to work and didn't really want to leave after he went back in the store to work.. Well i had thought about moving my truck so he couldn't try and see if i was still there but i didn't and so he knew i hadn't left so i waited for him for about 45 mins and then we spent about another 30 mins together.. just being close to each other talking and enjoying the company of each other.. So nice then of course he had to go home and i had to come back too.. we said our goodbyes and we went different ways, but i haven't been able to stop smiling since seeing him. Hoping that i do get to spend some time with him on Tuesday.. He will be at my store Wednesday, but we really can't say a whole lot because only one person i work with knows about this and they don't need to know and i don't want them to know.. They all think he is married, but he isn't.. He has a g/f, but he doesn't want to be with her and hasn't even really before he met me.. He just isn't really sure what do to there.. So the only thing that sucks is i only get to talk to him when he is at work.. So it sucks.. i did write him an email to tell him that i had a great time today and i can't wait to see him again.. Oh and he's so cute!! No cute guy has ever liked me. And with sunglasses on OMG so hot!! lol God i sound like i a high schooler again. lol falling for the cute football player or something lol oh well, he makes me happy and i do want to be happy. So we are just going to see what happens.. Well, that's about all i have to say for today.. have my work x-mas party in about 20 mins and JJ is my date. lol how sad is that.. I kinda wished that Jason was my date.. Weird how his name is jason and so is my ex husbands name is jason too lol it's gets me confused easy oh well, got to head over to the xmas party. take care everyone even though only one person reads this lol

Some Poems I Wrote

here are a few poems i wrote.. long time ago

Untilted
By: Sandy
Date Wrote: 2-7-2006

I felt I knew you
That I knew everything there was to know
Now I feel confused
Confused because I found things out
Things I didn't know before
I still love you
I love you as much as I did before
I just wish that all this wasn't so much of a shock
I'm confused cause i'm not sure how I feel
I just I never thought you would do those things
I wish I wasn't confused
If I could have one wish
It wouldn't be for money
Or anything like that
I would wish that
I could make our lifes back to normal
Back to the way they were before all of this
I love you
I know things will be ok
It just takes time
I love you so much Babe!!

One Year
Date Written: 06/05/05
Written for my husband who i love a lot!!

I can't believe it's been a year already
Sometimes it seems like just yesterday
We meet for the first time
I remember one big day last year
The day our son was born
Yeah, we had our fights too
We worked through them
Now we couldn't be happier
I know you love me
Cause I love you too
I know we will have many more years to come
I hope that they are all as good as the first one!!
I love you Jason!!

I Miss You
Written on: 6/2/05

I miss you more then you know
I need you know
You can't be here for me
It's killing me
To know that you want to be
I want you to be here
To hold me and tell me
That everything will be ok
That I have nothing to worry about
That you love me and care about me
I Love You Babe
I want us to be a family again
I know we will one day
It just seems like such a long time from now
Just know that
I love you and miss you
No one can change that!!

Specical Day
Date Written: 4-4-2005

On this special day one year ago
We were joined as one
Everyday our love grows stronger
Stonger for each other
To spend this day with you
I would like to know
Only to find I won't
Til the year 2006
But life goes on
And my loves goes stronger
Together forever we will be!!

Untitled
Date written: 3-7-05

I Love You
I love you more
Then words can say
I wish I could express
All the love I have for you
If i couldn't express
My love for you
I wish I could show you
Just how much i truely love you!!

Those are a few poems i have wrote let me know what you think :)

Alright... so.. where to start.. i have 10 mins to write this so it needs to be short and sweet.. Well to start.. brandon imed me today.. will post that.. Jason thinks idk what he thinks.. i think he is kinda changing his mind about wanting a kid.. but i don't really know.. i think i might just give up on wanting a kid, cause here soon i will have to stop even trying for one and just go get my tubes tied.. cause i won't have them more then 5 years apart and your pregnant 9 months so i said i will be ok with being half way pregnant when JJ turns 5.. blah things just seem to be going very wrong lately.. Anyway, i really don't have a lot to say.. i so don't want to go to work today.. i should have been at work the way it was put before but i got moved from 8-4 to 12 to 8 i'm so pissed about it.. not to mention i had a walmart catalog and was going to save some money on JJ's presents but no.. my ex mother in law had to throw it away so that means i am going to spend about 15 bucks more now.. stupid woman i swear.. i hate her so damn much...anyway 6 mins left before i have to leave so with that i'll just leave you with the convo with brandon...

cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:00:42 PM): morning
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:00:55 PM): morning
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:01:05 PM): did you buy the books I suggested?
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:01:48 PM): i start x-mas shopping early so i could get JJ's presents.. so no.. most of my money has gone to that
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:02:10 PM): but didnt you say you had my xmas gift also?
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:02:27 PM): you assumed i had it already
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:02:36 PM): i know what i'm getting you and i know what it cost
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:02:47 PM): oh so mentioning it was just a play on words for you to get my attention... I see
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:03:00 PM): no
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:03:37 PM): if you dont have it, why worry about sending it? it was mentioned to draw my attention.. and you know it sandy
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:04:20 PM): that's not it.. i was telling you so you knew.. and you do know i have your dad's address right?
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:04:21 PM): well it doesnt matter, if you send it.. I hope you have the right address when you do.. if not.. guess you wasted your money once again
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:04:31 PM): yes I do cause I gave it to you
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:04:37 PM): you did
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:04:53 PM): but I may not be here at christmas
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:05:46 PM): ok.. well i already have ideas in my head if you aren't so.. i mean i guess if you never get it then you never get it.. but when i do buy i will try and see where you are
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:06:11 PM): you already have ideas in your head if i aint? huh?
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:06:28 PM): yeah.. plans
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:06:38 PM): plans regarding what?
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:06:49 PM): getting you your present
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:07:20 PM): I see
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:07:47 PM): i mean i can't say it will work, but it will be a try if you aren't there
cheesy prince (11/10/2008 12:09:06 PM): you rather worry about accomplishing what you want to do, instead of asking why I wont be where I am now.. or even ask what is going on... but whatever. I need to get ready for work. bye
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:09:30 PM): that's up for you to tell me on your own
Sandy (11/10/2008 12:10:24 PM): cause i could ask and you may not tell yes i could ask and you may tell.. but i figure if you want me to know things you will tell me on your own

Alright so that's that... i can't really think of anything else to say.. other then my brother is awesome and i love him!! Oh and he writes poems and i showed him mine.. i haven't writen one in a long time, but i'm thinking i might start up again.. He really insipres me somehow i'm not sure really, but i will post those or some of them up when i get the chance too. bye bye bye

Today fucking sucks!!

Alright well today was a day from hell!! i'll post convo so you can read.. I had a headache before this convo it just really bad now and i'll be lucky if i can get rid of it today..

cheesy prince: enjoying being on the net?
Sandy: no
cheesy prince: ok
Sandy: i have a headache, a heartache and my son pissingme
Sandy: off
cheesy prince: heartache is of your own causing sandy
cheesy prince: you kept thinking you keep going on how you are, not changing anything when I told you it made me feel like crap, saying you knew i would always love you and make time for you.. cause I said I would.. you took it for granted, and now your without it
Sandy: you also think i'm a liar
cheesy prince: sandy you said you made time for me, yes you made time for me when it suited you, when it was convienant for you.
cheesy prince: when you wanted to.. you didnt do it for me you did it took do just enough to keep me around.. so yes your a liar.. you didnt do it for me you did it for yourself
Sandy: sometimes yes and other times no
cheesy prince: all the time sandy, that is why you are where you are now
cheesy prince: but keep on believe and thinking how you are now, dont change..
Sandy: i stopped doing things now, cause i wasn't getting anything back and that hurt more by sending you something and not getting anything then not sending anything
cheesy prince: sandy that vid, you put a finger in yourself.. you did it when you were losing me cause you were losing me.. to keep me... why didnt you do it just for me without anything going wrong with us.. to do it then.. cheapen it, made me hate it because you would only do it to save our relationship
cheesy prince: that email... why did it come when when we were fighting why do you always do things when shit hits the fan and not when we are happy?
Sandy: no, i did it because i didn't get you the vid when i said i would
Sandy: what e-mail?
cheesy prince: you did it so you could say you did the what took the most effort to rub it in my face you gave of yourself
Sandy: did you even get my voicemail?
cheesy prince: but you would only do it after you fucked up.. its worthless to me.. and it made me sick to my stomach
Sandy: then why are you even talking to me if i screwed up so fucking much??
cheesy prince: yeah I got your voicemail.. more stupid bs trying to sound like you were sorry.. if you were sorry you would change
Sandy: to make me feel even worse to make me want to do something to make it so that things are easier for you what?? please tell me
cheesy prince: I cant tell you what to do to fix it, I alrady have and you could care less to look over your ego to see it
cheesy prince: its always how bad can I make people feel for me without changing me ways
Sandy: you want to know what i see
cheesy prince: I am sorry to say you have done a real number on me in the past couple of months.. I admit I am not a saint.. I have faults.. but you have lost me and you think I should just forget it all once again and try to be happy with you again
cheesy prince: I dont care what you see
cheesy prince: this is about how I feel right now
cheesy prince: swallow your fucking pride and actually listen this time
Sandy: ok and i know i fucked up i have admited that
Sandy: more then once
cheesy prince: admitting it is one thing, what have you done to fix it? you think showing me your fingered yourself when we are fighting will fix it?
cheesy prince: do you think one email?
cheesy prince: a couple calls? a few ims?
Sandy: because i got the feeling you didn't give a shit about me
cheesy prince: join the crowd sandy
Sandy: that it didn't fuckign matter
cheesy prince: it it fucking doesnt matter, why are you worried if I am in your life or not?
cheesy prince: if you dont think what you do fucking matters, and you dont fucking care to try.. why should I even bother considering being back with you?
Sandy: you honestly have to ask that to know?
cheesy prince: sandy, you left me first.. to move back with jason... and dont say you didnt.. because if you didnt you wouldnt have put the papers on hold
cheesy prince: you put the fucking god damn papers on hold while we were together... how much of a fuck you is that?
Sandy: that was the start of it yes.. but when i moved it wasn't to be with him.. cause if that was teh case the whole time it never would have gone through in the end.. well it did go through in the end
cheesy prince: doesnt matter how it ended.. it matters how it started... you doubted me and wanted to be back with jason.. in the start.. which means you said fuck us
Sandy: you choose to listen to other people too instead of listening to me
cheesy prince: sandy go fuck yourself.. I am done trying,
cheesy prince: iI am done convinving you
cheesy prince: I am just tired of all your bs and self pity crap
Sandy: you listened to people i don't talk to about something i put on facebook or something someone though
Sandy: it takes two to get together and two people to fuck up
cheesy prince: make excuses sandy, I hope they help your heartache when I finally do disappear for good because of your bs
cheesy prince: no it takes one.. one to stop papers on divorce
Sandy: so you don't love me?
Sandy: so if i lost you then why keep trying after
cheesy prince: sandy you lost my love.. you choose to not make an effort and keep my love
Sandy: i did and was trying
cheesy prince: you DID and WAS... past tense..
Sandy: i still do
Sandy: but this is was i was afraid of too
cheesy prince: what have you done to be back in my life sandy? have you made plans to visit me?
cheesy prince: have you made any plans on being with me again instead of just sitting there and hoping I will do it all?
Sandy: been trying to as a surprise trying to make plans so when i had money i could surprise you
cheesy prince: how much have you saved?
Sandy: with x-mas coming nothing yet
cheesy prince: I have 300 already sandy.. even with christmas
Sandy: you trying to rub it in my face and tell me that i'm just a loser
cheesy prince: how long have you been out of a 2nd job sandy? how many attempts have you made to get another?
Sandy: i can't handle two jobs
cheesy prince: how cozy have you gotten with jason taking care of what you cant?
cheesy prince: or someone else paying your bills?
cheesy prince: I have less then you and I am making headway.. how about you?
Sandy: i pay my bills every month
Sandy: with about 20 bucks left after
cheesy prince: and you happy with that arent you?
cheesy prince: cause you dont have to put anymore effort forward
Sandy: with what?
cheesy prince: you are undriven, unmotivated, and just plan dont care to improve things... you are happy having things given to you, and you feel the world owes you...
cheesy prince: you think everyone owes you
Sandy: no, i'm happy that i can pay all my bills every month without help (one thing i wanted to be able to do on my own without help), Next is to be able to give JJ what he needs
cheesy prince: whatever sandy, you once told me that one job could never cut the bills you had... either you let go of a lot in order not to have many bills or jason is paying things and you arent telling me something
Sandy: you want to know the bills i have??
cheesy prince: no sandy I dont
Sandy: i get about 425 every two weeks
cheesy prince: I really dont care anymore
cheesy prince: I work three jobs and do what it takes...
cheesy prince: I have lost everything trying to keep you in my life and this is what I have to show for it
Sandy: liek i told you i don't know how you can do it.. there isn't enough places to work with me on that kind of stuff
cheesy prince: I do 4 pm to 1 am.. sometimes later at walmart unloading trucks. I do 8am to 2pm at home depot and big lots unloading their trucks on opposite days
cheesy prince: I get days off here and there at all three, I get sleep when and if I can
cheesy prince: I almost lost it all when I got kicked out two days ago
cheesy prince: I have 7 mins left on my prepaid cell
cheesy prince: I dont get a paycheck til th 17th
cheesy prince: I have 35 cents in my bank til then
cheesy prince: I havent eaten lunch at any place becuase of this
Sandy: you just told me you have 300 dollars
cheesy prince: I have 300 dollars for a trip to visit someone who is not willing to change
cheesy prince: i have 400 for my kids christmas and to see them
Sandy: you are so confusing
cheesy prince: I WILL NOT touch any of that just to put food in my belly
cheesy prince: do you understand my scarifice I make for people?
cheesy prince: its not confusing if you truly look at it
Sandy: so you would rather die so that those people are without you for the rest of their lives then to take care of yourself so you can be there
cheesy prince: I guess so
cheesy prince: I may have blown out my back two weeks ago, I may need back surgery before long with the jobs I have
cheesy prince: I may collapse for other health reasons
cheesy prince: but you want to know something?
cheesy prince: fuck it all, I mean what am I really striving for? someone who will take me for granted no matter what I do?
cheesy prince: to visit my kids who dont have a clue what I am going thru?
Sandy: that doesn't matter.. your kids love you no matter what your going through if they know or not
cheesy prince: right sandy, they could give a shit less. they wont come to the phone when I call now..
Sandy: why?
cheesy prince: I dont know why sandy
Sandy: well i wanted to know why you lost the other job and i still don't know why cause it seemed that you didn't have time for me. but yet i still want to know.. I'm sorry about your kids.. i'm going to guess your ex has something to do with that
cheesy prince: what last job? carrinos?
Sandy: yes
cheesy prince: I lost it because the managers went back on their words. I told them I would be looking for more jobs, when home depot made the offer i told them my hours of availbility would change.. the next day they fired me cause they said they wouldnt work with me
Sandy: assholes
cheesy prince: and sandy I had time for you, but during that time.. I did what I wanted first.. did what made me happy without you..
cheesy prince: the same as you treated me
Sandy: i really thought i was doing better i really wanted to make thingsbetter for us cause it seemed all we didwas fight
cheesy prince: sandy you only did what you had to.. you always have
cheesy prince: I gave you the world and you spat in my face when I asked for it in return
Sandy: but you make it seem like i did it on purpose and that's not it at all
cheesy prince: and the only way you did more was when you thought we would break up
cheesy prince: how is it not on purpose? do you not make the choices in your life?
Sandy: even after one fight we had even though i was still upset i still wrote back on the e-mail we had going and left you your nightly message
cheesy prince: where was the extra effort? were was the change?
Sandy: the fact that i was still upset with what had happened, but i wanted you to still have something when you woke up in the morning
Sandy: so i put what what i was feeling aside and did what i could the best that i could for you
cheesy prince: words sandy.. all words.. I am tired of words
Sandy: ok, so you say you 300 dollars you won't touch and you also say you want nothing to do with me.. how does that even work
cheesy prince: you would have the answer if you truly thought about it
cheesy prince: I am done thinking for you, I am done giving you the answers.. I am done making anything work for everyone else in the world
cheesy prince: your actions along with a few others peoples have killed the person I want to be. now its fuck the world and all about me.. if you want in my life.. you find the answers.. you find the way
cheesy prince: maybe one day the person i want to be will be a goal once again
Sandy: so your going to let people stand in the way of being who you truely want to be??
cheesy prince: the person I truely want to be needs people I truely care about in my life.. who truely care about me ... I cant honestly say I have any
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: so I wish you the best of luck where ever you life and choices take you
Sandy: wow that's the first time you have said that to me
cheesy prince: cause I am done sandy, I am done fighting for things that no one else is willing to fight with me for
cheesy prince: I am done making other peoples pathes for them
cheesy prince: time for you to grow up and make your own path
cheesy prince: to finally be on your own and do what you want to do.. make you life take you where you want it to take you
Sandy: well then i know you will get back on top like you were before me and i'm sorry for holding you back from life.. this doesn't change teh fact that i love you, i hate the fact that you seem to be acting so calmly about all this, but nothing i can do about it.. it's your choice and i have to live with it..
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
Sandy: nothing i say will change anything
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
Sandy: you have told me that i'm just words so that my choice based on what you have told me
cheesy prince: if that is how you want to think, and how you want to handle thing. that is your choice
cheesy prince: I am not going to debate the facts with you
Sandy: their isn't anything to debate you said what you feel right?
cheesy prince: I assume by you saying you were holding me back that your letting me go. so bye sandy and good luck
Sandy: no, that's not what i was saying, but i feel like that's what i did
cheesy prince: I dont know what to say
Sandy: onlybecause of me you have 3 jobs, where you live could change by the second.. yoru kids hate you for some reason, you would have been married and happy if you never met me..
cheesy prince: no sandy, I wouldnt have been married. when I met you. I had already decided me and natalie werent going to work.I decided that on new years eve
Sandy: ok, well you would have been able to find a good job, which because of me you can't do because i left
cheesy prince: sandy, I have had several good job offers since moving here. Problem is.. no money.. no car.. nothing in order to make them work. I have to rely on dad and his shit for what I do have... is my situation totally your fault? no its mostly mine and lack of poor planning and choices
Sandy: if that's what you want to think
Sandy: you told me you coudlnt' get a job because of your credit
cheesy prince: sandy that is what I think, and what is fact. I sold my car in 04... I choose not to buy one and rely on others..
cheesy prince: my credit was shot before i met you from courtney
Sandy: yeah, but i made it worse
cheesy prince: yes the place in houston made it a bit worse but its small compared to what it was already like
cheesy prince: my credit score was in the 300s long before I met you or natalie
Sandy: nat proably helped it go up some too and then i fucked it up
Sandy: again
cheesy prince: no sandy, the first broken lease was due to her.. I let my apartment go back to save money and move in with her
cheesy prince: it got no better while I was wit her
cheesy prince: with
cheesy prince: I learned after the fact, that it was so she could have someone to cook and clean for her
cheesy prince: again poor choices on my part
cheesy prince: nothing to say?
Sandy: just trying to soak in that your broken lease you told me about the reason was a lie sorry
cheesy prince: huh?
Sandy: wishing my head would stop pounding and that i could stop crying
cheesy prince: you talking about what I told you about it having a waterfall and in poor condition?
Sandy: you told me you had a broken lease because you had a waterfall in your living room and they wouldn't fix it
cheesy prince: that is also true, just half the truth
cheesy prince: would you like the pictures I took of it?
Sandy: no, that's ok
cheesy prince: yep thats me.. just a lying good for nothign mother fucker
Sandy: where did that come from
cheesy prince: Whiney Princess: just trying to soak in that your broken lease you told me about the reason was a lie sorry
Sandy: well from what you told me before that i thought it was
Sandy: but i learned it was true that part anyway
cheesy prince: well i need to go. I have to eat something before work. Looks like ramen noodles once agian. enjoy your day
cheesy prince: oh and so you know, I am contemplating a move to Chicago if and when I can
Sandy: well have a good day at work.. nothing wrong with those that what i been eating
cheesy prince: going to say something about chicago?
Sandy: ok, so i now know to save more money
Sandy: so i now have*
cheesy prince: actually its the same distance from here to you then as there to you
cheesy prince: already checked that
Sandy: it is?
cheesy prince: maybe an hour or two more
Sandy: well that's like another fuel tank of fuel lol
cheesy prince: depends on how you go. I just did a quick look. besides a flight to either costs the same
cheesy prince: why would you be driving it?
Sandy: to surprise you
cheesy prince: so you would spend 1500 on a trip to see me versus 200 or 400 dollars for a flight?
Sandy: to surprise you yes
cheesy prince: why? that is wasting money just for a visit
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: not to mention time.. 2 days driving for a weekend visit? you didnt give much thought to this idea did you?
Sandy: still working out the details for it yeah
Sandy: if i fly it's a little harder to surprise you lol
cheesy prince: well i wouldnt advice any trip to see me until I get my own place
cheesy prince: advise
Sandy: i was kinda worried about coming to see you for teh fact that i wasn't sure where i would be staying
Sandy: cause i wasn't going to stay at yoru dads house
cheesy prince: I am sleeping on the couch
Sandy: that's wasn't the point
Sandy: that*
cheesy prince: but yeah point being, I wouldnt plan a trip at all to see me in the near future.. probably not for a couple of months
Sandy: well like i said with x-mas coming i hadn't saved anything so it won't be til after that that i would start saving
cheesy prince: not just for the money reasons or the place to stay... we arent at the point anymore where a weekend would be good for us
Sandy: ok
cheesy prince: dont you agree?
Sandy: kinda
cheesy prince: I am sorry I am not going to flip the switch again just so we can be happy.
Sandy: no, it's fine
cheesy prince: but I have to go. have even less time now to eat and shower and get ready
Sandy: i'm sorry
Sandy: bye brandon
cheesy prince: bye sandy

I know it's long, but yeah.. its 12:30 right now and i just want to crawl in bed and sleep the rest of the day, but no i have to go to work and deal with people there.. oh boy!! should be loads of fun for me..

A little about me

Alright, well i'm 23.. i currently live in Soda Springs, ID. I have a son he is 4.. I will have to put up some pictures.. He is my world and i will do anything for him.. (thinks i should copy from myspace or facebook lol) I guess you could say that i'm taken.. I have been divorced, but in a odd kinda way.. i'm back with my ex husband.. which is going well acutally.. We are trying for another kid. I'm excited about that and really hope it happens soon. We have learned a lot from the divorce.. So i think we will make it this time.. I have 5 animals.. 4 cats and 1 dog.. Spot is our dog.. he is black and has a few white spots.. then boo who is my oldest cat he is 5.. he is also black and white.. then Kitty (yes that's her name) she is 2 and she is also black and white lol then oddball he is 4 months and he is all white that's how he got his name.. cause he is all white.. then Princess.. she is white and black.. very pretty kitten she just turned 2 months.. I will have to get pics of all my animals up too so you can see them.. They are very pretty animals.. Hmmm what else is there to say about me.. lets see.. i love TY beanie babies, N Sync, Dane Cook... what else i love reading.. i'm very into nichloas sparks right now. i am trying to read all of his books and i really want to read his new one "The Lucky One".. I love winnie the pooh things too.. I'm such a kid at heart you might find it hard how i have a job.. lol Well that's all i can think of to write about me..


Our First Family pic take back in Dec of 2007


Our first real pic together i think it came out pretty good


Me


Jason

JJ halloween 2008